Becky Short (camstdragon) wrote in ask_dr_laura,
Becky Short

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I am 23 and my sons mother.

My name is Becky, I've been dating a man named Shawn for 10 months now. My Son, Ajay, was born about 9 months before I met Shawn. Ajay's father decided one day that he was done with me and It was time for him to move on to a different woman. We were never married.

Shawn and I were friends for 4 months before we actually started dating, he knew about Ajay, I was always open about the fact that I am a single mother, so Shawn knew exactly what he was doing when he told me one day that he had fallen in love with me, I felt the same way so I was over joyed at this news. At first I didn't really take notice that Shawn and Ajay for the most part ignored each other and that Shawn seemed kind of nervous around Ajay. When I finally took off the rose colored glasses and noticed that there was something wrong. Shawn agreed that he didn't feel all that comfortable around my one year old boy, but that he was more then willing to work on it because he could see that Ajay was a great kid with a wonderful disposition. He really has tried to work on it, he puts Ajay to bed, helps me bathe him reads him stories, and has even changed a few diapers. We don't live together and Shawn works late so he doesn't see Ajay everyday of the week, and not nearly as often as I would like him to

After all this time, Ajay and Shawn still don't seem very comfortable with one another and it just breaks my heart to think that it won't work out and Shawn may not be the man I should marry. Shawn says he loves Ajay and he doesn't see a problem, but I do. When Shawn is over on the weekends, he pretty much ignores Ajay and just watches TV or talks to me. Occasionally they will play, Shawn will chase Ajay around the house and tickle him, but he seems to be doing that for my benefit. I think that If I left Ajay in his care alone I would find one unhappy and bored Ajay and a very annoyed Shawn at the end.

So, are my fears correct? Should I end this before I get more attachted and maybe try raising Ajay on my own? Or should I continue helping and nagging Shawn into getting closer and more comfortable with Ajay? OR should I do nothing and just let them grow closer on their own? If It's just me and Shawn, we seem more suited to life with each other then I can imagine life with anyone else. We seem perfect, but it's not about me or Shawn, it's about Ajay. I have to look out for him.
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